remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
