ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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