and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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