I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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