I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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