Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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