He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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