At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
