So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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