Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
what day is it and did you see me today?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
