she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
