I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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