smell my finger.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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