I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
