Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
