At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
