dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
