Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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