But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
