dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
