I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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