I am puke
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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