She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
