If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
