is your mom at the bar?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
They have beer where we have blood.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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