Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
