I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
