I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
