four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He has the fingertips of a God
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
