Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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