We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
if only i could text you this smell
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
