Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
