We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
