Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
