my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
