i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
