if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize