Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This is my gift to your gina
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
