Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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