Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
