did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
