I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
