currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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