Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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