I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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