You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
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