I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
