im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Houston, we have a blender
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
