Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
