oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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